


Remembrance

by RMarie124



Series: Fictober 2019 [20]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: B'Elanna is angry and hurt, It gets a bit happier at the end, This one is angsty, Tom is caring and helps her through it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 09:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21116273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RMarie124/pseuds/RMarie124
Summary: It's been two years since B'Elanna and the rest of the former Maquis received the letter telling them that the rest of the Maquis had been wiped out. She wants nothing more than to forget about it, until Tom helps her with remembering the good times she had.Fictober day #20: "You could talk about it, you know."





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all I'm back with the second prompt of the day lol
> 
> This one gets angsty, but I couldn't help it. The prompt just screamed angst, and it also felt like it would fit with P/T, especially after how stuff went with B'Elanna's original negative coping mechanism at the news of the deaths of her friends. 
> 
> Enjoy isn't quite the right word here... so I hope this one is good!

B’Elanna sat silently in her and Tom’s shared quarters. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, and her eyes were unfocused, her mind tens of thousands of lightyears away. Today was an anniversary she wished didn’t exist, one that had snuck up on her in the general chaos of life in the Delta Quadrant:

The Letter. 

The letter that had come for her and all the former Maquis crewmen, one that brought nothing but despair and emptiness. The letter that had triggered a stream of self destructive behavior that she sometimes had the urge to start again. There were times when that desire was so all encompassing that she couldn’t see for a few seconds. It had been two years since then, but it still hurt like hell sometimes.

But now, in this moment, she was numb. She couldn’t feel anything, her mind was blank. She didn’t even fully register Tom coming in until his form came in to view in front of her, gently sinking down so he was eye level with her. His hands gingerly rested on her arms and his voice was soft. 

“B’Elanna,” He squeezed her arm gently. “I know what today means to you, and I know that you don’t normally ask for help, especially for this, but I’m still here if you need anything, okay?”

A wave of tears surged up inside her, but she fought them back down. She simply nodded in acknowledgement of Tom’s words. 

“Do you want me to sit here with you, or do you you want me to give you space?” 

“Stay.” She whispered. 

He stood up and came to sit beside her, gently wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. She allowed herself to register the warmth of his touch and the gentle way he was taking care of her. She felt the wave of tears well up again and she let it crash into her full force. B’Elanna was soon sobbing angrily into Tom’s chest, and he simply held her closer and let her cry as she needed.

“You could talk about it, you know.” Tom suggested after she had calmed down. “I’m sure Chakotay would talk to you about it. He seemed tense on the Bridge today. It’s safe to say he’s also hurting.”

“I don’t want to talk to Chakotay.” She was stubborn, but still sounded exhausted. “I don’t want to talk to anyone about this. Nothing will help.”

“That’s not true, B’Elanna.” He urged. “When we lose people we care about, especially in traumatic ways such as this, it’s important to celebrate their lives as well as mourn their losses. You talk about the good times, the funny times, and you honor how they lived their lives. I’m more than certain Chakotay would be willing to talk to you about all those things. If you really don’t want to talk to him, I’m more than willing to listen.”

“I just miss them so damn much.” A fresh wave of tears hit her. “And it’s so fucking unfair that they died and I didn’t. I should’ve been there with them.”

“It’s unfair that they died the way they did, but that doesn’t mean that you also deserve to die.” He rubbed her back gently. “Survivor’s guilt is hard and ugly at times, but you need to remember that you deserve to live.” 

“One of my good friends Asan was one of the people who got killed.” B’Elanna whispered. “He was like a brother to me. He was half Bajoran, so he understood how I felt. He understood feeling ostracized from both cultures. We were on the track team together, and we left Starfleet together to join the Maquis. I wish I had been able to contact him one more time before…” She trailed off. “I wish I could tell him about all that I’ve learned. He always used to tell me things would get better.” 

Tom hugged her closer. “Asan sounds like a really great guy.” 

“He was. I honor his memory by living my life in the way that makes me happy. I do things in my free time that I enjoy. He told me once, before we left the Academy, that he could see me being Chief Engineer someday. If only he could see me now.” She laughed weakly. “I did it, Asan. You were right.” She added quietly. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me, B’El.” Tom whispered. 

B’Elanna nodded against his chest. “Thank you for listening.”

“Of course.” Tom lifted her face to look at him. “B’Elanna, I will always listen to you whenever you need to talk about things like this. And for when you don’t want to talk about it and just want to sit quietly. Whatever you need. I am here for you.”

B’Elanna kissed him lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She snuggled back into his embrace, and sat quietly for a few moments. 

“Did I ever tell you about the time that I repaired the Condor with ductape?” She asked suddenly. “This happened before I got moved to the Val Jean, so I’m not even sure Chakotay knows this story.” 

Tom laughed. “You used ductape? I have to hear this story.” 

“Well,” B’Elanna started. “We were under attack and my console broke…”

Soon, Tom and B’Elanna were laughing hysterically at her story. She felt the pain of her loss lessen for a moment, remembering her friends and the times they shared together. Even if those times were often stressful, it was still helpful to remember them at their best.


End file.
